Two Ways

Eagles at Colville Park - Red Wing January 2013

Thermometer reads almost -20 on the back deck this morning, so decided to spend my "Front Porch" time inside this morning.

Holding my "nth" cup of coffee, I was pondering the psalmist words while looking out at the frozen tundra.  How the trees meditate on the law of God day and night while staying planted near the water that feeds them.

What an amazing picture that brings to mind. 

Whether its the cold winds tearing at their branches, the hot sun beating them down or the torential rains and tornados whipping a frenzy bending them almost to the breaking point, there stands the trees.  Close to the waters. Delighting in God.

Sometimes I feel like one of these trees.  Maybe not often enough.  Still...
I won't break. I will not blow away. I am not chaff.

I am solidly planted in my belief there is a God.

Psalm 1
The Two Ways


Happy are those
who do not follow the advice of the wicked,
or take the path that sinners tread,
or sit in the seat of scoffers;
but their delight is in the law of the Lord,
and on his law they meditate day and night.
They are like trees
planted by streams of water,
which yield their fruit in its season,
and their leaves do not wither.
In all that they do, they prosper.

The wicked are not so,
but are like chaff that the wind drives away.
Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgement,
nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous;
for the Lord watches over the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.

Sassy at the top of the stairs





Christmas Eve Morn'

A light snow fall keeps me company on the front porch this morning. 

I write this to be posted later when I'm back inside hooked up to the internet.  Oddly the deck thermometer said it was about 5 degrees but it doesn't seem so cold although my coffee does seem to cool quickly. Perhaps I should just have a coffee pot installed on the porch?  That makes me smile.

The neighbor's lights sparkle in the early morning darkness.Every inch of their yard is a tribute to the local hardware store goods.  A small part of me wonders if all the cheer outside the house hides sadness inside?  If they were to look across the way to my house and see there are no sparkly lights, no adorned tree, not one brightly wrapped gift what would they think? In a few days I will be unemployed and have time to finish unpacking and maybe I'll find the porch flag I used to fly in winter. A cheery snow man. 

When I glance back into the house I can see Sassy in the sitting room curled in her favorite rocker. I have decided to let her do what she wants and stop pestering her to eat and drink. When I'm her age I'd want to be let alone to do my own thing.  It will be soon.  I am mostly ready to let her go.

I think of my cousins in Nebraska and my aunt in Iowa this morning and the pain of a first Christmas without someone you love. I send peace to them in my prayers. There are no words to fill their emptiness. Only time.

Today is Christmas Eve day. A day I always enjoyed more than Christmas morning. A day of great anticipation, laughter, last minute wrappings, gatherings around the supper table before heading out to church services.  A day full of hope, of believing in dreams and the goodness in others.

I have almost let it pass me by. Enough wallowing in sorrow and fear.

There are dishes to be washed, laundry to fold, presents to gather and wrap and hugs to give to all those I love. 

And much to give thanks to God for...example:

When I was in Oklahoma I would dream of waking up Christmas Eve morning where I could head out to my porch armed with coffee and maybe a blanket as I had my morning talk with God. In my dream it was always snowing.

Perhaps there is a Santa after all.

First snowfall

How much snow have we received so far as it continues to fall?

Enough to cover the porch and decks such that not even my hightop red wings are high enough to keep my socks dry...and giving me a great reason to stay put today.

I'd post pictures but just made coffee, put music on, have the cat in my lap and thinking "Let God decorate the earth today for the season...the tree can wait to be put up." 

Now can I reach my tote bag without disturbing the cat so I can read my book?  No?  Well, coffee, purring cat and watching the snow will do.

Off to be still and know God.

A picture from winter of 2003, I believe. Just squint, imagine snow falling, less sun and voila! Penny's home!

Sassy and Uncle Vail

Sassy, while playful and eating again, continues to lose weight.  She is in the mid-stages of renal failure.  For 17 years old she is doing okay.  Nothing for renal failure but to keep her comfortable and happy. Maybe a few months.

Life goes on one sunrise/sunset at a time.

Last Thursday afternoon's post was probably a bit of a downer to read. That day my Uncle Vail laid down to take a nap on his couch.  He didn't wake-up.

We gathered in Nebraska to say our good-byes and celebrate the joy and sorrows of life with shared stories, songs, tears and oh so many needed hugs. Today, Uncle Vail's body will be tucked in next to his parents and sister Eunice in the family cemetary in Dumont, Iowa. Rest in peace, Uncle Vail.

Life goes on one sunrise/sunset at a time.

In my email this morning I received another round of rejections. Layoffs at the plant began on Friday and it was difficult for me to let my crew go.  Each person's reaction was a lesson in dealing with life in these hard times. My own layoff is imminent: tonight, tomorrow? 

When it happens I'll finish the unpacking, enjoy soup with a friend, talk about my Advent explorations over coffee with my pastor/friend, window shop and laugh with Aunt Val, locate the Christmas decorations and quilt gifts for friends as I plot out the next steps of living the dream. 

Life goes on one sunrise/sunset at a time.

For today I have a job to prepare for -- Sassafras the wonder cat is curled up between my arms and the keyboard purring away as we listen to the dryer tumbling, the coffee pot dripping and smell the bean soup simmering in the crock pot. Almost time for a quick nap before showering and heading to the plant.

Yep. Today is a good day.

Let's let tomorrow take care of itself as we move through life one sunrise/sunset at a time.

Weebles

When you were a kid, did you ever have one of those punching bags that looked like a clown? Everytime you punched it down to the ground it would pop back up and sometimes punch you right back?  Or maybe you were the "weebles wobble but they don't fall down" generation.  I am not scientific enough to figure out the simple mechcanics of how the weebles and that clown keep bopping back up.

They just do.

When I lived in this house the first time, I put up a saying on the kitchen wall just next to the front door:  "Fall seven times, stand up eight."  It reminded me every time I left the house that no matter what happens "out there" I needed to get back up.

Then I left to follow a dream. 

When I moved back into the house I was pleasantly surprised to find the saying still next to the back door.  Like an old friend, waiting for me. 

Fall Seven Times.

Stand Up Eight.

Its not the number of times you fall, its the number of times you stand back up.

I think there is a missing component to this bit of philosophy: Keep Moving Forward.

Fall Seven Times, Stand Up Eight, Keep Moving Forward.

I wonder how I can add it to the wall?

After six months of "falling" its getting harder to stand-up..  

Echos

A blessing is a gift to others. My aunt told me the other day that I'm a blessing. I think that is the most wonderful thing to say to someone. That you are a gift.

 

A person doesn't set-out to be a blessing. There are no self-help courses outlining procedures to become one. No "Be a Blessing for Dummies" books.  

  

So, if it is true, how did it happen?

 

Why am I who I am, believe as I believe, seek out what I seek - dream what I dream?

• The family tree is one of hardy stock.
• My journey is littered with junctions of other people's paths.
• From the lessons learned of those who have fallen, gotten back up and moved forward, I am the beneficiary. 
• I am merely the outcome of a ripple.

In the most simple form of an answer, I am but an echo*.


*Because of you, J.S., I have been pondering Philippians 4:13.  Actually, the entire chapter is worth pondering. At least, that's my 2¢ worth.

h o p e

Cold, snappy mornings. Burning piles of leaves. Gold-strewn pathways crunching under our feet. Sweaters and mittens. Fully harvested fields. Pumpkins, goblins and candy corn. 

So many reasons people love October. 

October has not always favored me. 

A few brief cases in point:

October '88 - Kansas truckstop. A stranger passing me kleenex. Banging the payphone handset against my chest. Frantic to remove her words echoing in my heart. "I'm dying sissy."

October '95 - Peeling out of the hospital parking lot to reach Sorin's bluff and catch my breath. My breasts still heaving from anger and fear as the wind bathes me in leaves ripped from the trees. My last October? Certainly the last one whole.   
  
October '02 - St. Joseph's ICU waiting room. 7 p.m. or 7 a.m.? I methodically turn the pages. Finite math systems. Spanish. Ethics. Marking time between visits to the room down the hall. Listening for his code blue. 

October '05 -  Trying to focus on my breathing by watching the late daylight shimmer on the leaves in the trees surrounding the path. A strange woman croons above my crumpled body. I hear the sirens or maybe its just my screams as something whispers "Breathe." 

October '08 - Nine hours of brutal LSAT questions. Barely registering my lower body has gone numb from the cold as I sit for hours on the stoop. Temporarily blinded by love on the path. Should I have chosen differently?

Some of my hardest trials came in October, yet, it is the month I love most.  

All because of a rock with etched letters that over the years have almost faded from sight.  I know they are there. 

But that is another story for another time.

For now, let us enjoy my 2¢ of October photos. 



        

...and photos of three people I would've enjoyed being with today, October 6, 2012. Any day, really. But today...most of all, today.



Ruth Jane Nelson Herron 04-12-1938 - December 1998; Gary Lee Oleson 09-17-1938-February 2010



Dorene C. Oleson Haydon May 1960-May 1995