Slaying Dragons

I grew-up in a house full of all sorts of dragons.  I am not afraid of dragons.  What I'm afraid of is Bats (and closets and basements and the dark but this is my 2¢ on bats.)

When I first moved into this house in 1996 there seemed to be a bat a week.  I had a good neighbor who came and caught a few.  Then he stopped.  So I enlisted my two dogs and Miss Marple (my cat back then) to form a team of bat chasers complete with a racket, a fishing net and a very wide and heavy broom.  Bat in the house?  We'd prop open a door, corral the darn thing into that part of the house and if need be, use a broom as a baseball bat and WHAM! right outta the park!  The dogs always came back into the house and Miss Marple was afraid of outside.  It wasn't pretty and would sometimes take hours but it worked.

By the time Dad came to live with me in this house there were fewer bats because of several visits by the pest people, some caulking, shoring up etc.  And if there was a bat? Well, I turned that chore over to Dad.  He was a great bat catcher, once using a hand towel to flick a bat out of mid-air and stun it so he could scoop it up and toss it outside.  Impressive.

Eventually, there were no more bats. I figured I had found all their entry spots and that was that for the bats.  The dogs  died of old age and one morning Miss Marple who had never ventured outside decided to leave home and never come back. And then Dad died.

Fast forward to 2012 and I am back in my home which has new siding, gutters, soffits -- the house is pretty shored up.   I don't have a tennis racket or a net (I passed up on a great FREE butterfly net the other week and regret it dearly).  And the broom?  Pretty wimpy. The only pet I have is Sassy, a great escape artist.  Let her even glimpse daylight and she is GONE!

At 12:30 this mornig I decided to stop quilting for the night, brush my teeth and get ready for bed.  As I left the downstairs half-bath I saw it.  Waist high right next to me.  Hanging on the window sheers.  A bat.  A HUGE bat.  Much bigger than the ones I had ever seen in this house in the old days. 

I called Drew for advice.  I couldn't picture what he was telling me.  I went to YouTube and watched a cajillion videos.  All along saying outloud "you are NOT scared of bats.  you are NOT scared of bats." Convincing no one,  I called sister who I knew would be up this time of morning.  She told me "You are a BIG DAWG!  You can do this!"  A great pep talk.  

I created a bat catching crate.  One cat crate door removed.  Put a plastic trash bag inside and taped the edges on the outer mouth of it.  Cut a piece of stiff cardboard bigger than the mouth of the cat crate.  Practiced my maneuvers a few times against the wall.  Continually telling myself "you are NOT afraid of bats.  You are a BIG DAWG!" Sister said it sounded too complicated and I should just throw a towel over it and scoop it up.  WHAT???  Get THAT CLOSE TO IT?  Then have to wash that towel several times in hot water or throw it away?  Right.  Back to the crate idea.

I put sister on speaker phone, put the phone in my pocket, plopped my orange baseball cap on for additional courage, stepped into the hall closing the door behind me.  I do not want Sassy attacked by a bat as its time for her shots and the coffers are bare. 

I took a deep breath, sent up a quick prayer and whispered to sister "ready" then slammed that crate against the sheers and the window.  The bat flew into the crate fighting against the trash bag.  I slid the cardboard between the sheer and the crate and held it tight to the opening. 

It is at this point I realized a few problems with the plan.  How could I open the hall door, much less the outside door without a) letting go of the cardboard lid and/or crate and b) without letting Sassy outside?

I balanced the crate on its backside against me (bat flapping wildly in the plastic - I really thought the plastic wouldn't give it any moving room), clasped the cardboard lid on the top of it tight and opened the hall door knowing Sassy would run into the hall.  I scooted in the sitting room and pulled the hall door shut with my foot.  Sassy was now locked in the hallway!! WOO HOO!  One problem down, one to go.  How to get the door deadbolt undone as it is so stiff it usually requires both hands?? 

I leaned the crate against the kitchen wall next to the door.  Kept one had firmly on the cardboard lid and tried the door.  DANG!  Stiff to turn. Would take both hands.  I am now swearing so bad the  kitchen takes on a whole new meaning of "painted blue" and my Uncle and Dad would've been shocked I knew that many swear words. 

At this point sister starts to get worried but I just focus.  How to keep the bat in the crate while letting go to use both hands?  And so, balancing the back of the crate between me and the wall (lid of crate against the wall -- bat really freaking out and me muttering "you are NOT afraid of bats.  You are a BIG DAWG" and hearing sister chatting away in my pocket), I reach over with both hands and release the deadbolt. 

I snatch the crate and out onto the rainy deck we go.  I push the crate up against the railing on the deck and go back inside.  I lock the deadbolt with both hands then walk to the fridge and write a note "WD40 the locks."  Pour myself a glass of wine and reach for my phone to give sister a play-by-play of what had happened. 

That really is one big bat.  There are big cats that roam the neighborhood.  I'll go out in the morning and if the bat is still in the crate, I'll figure out a way to release it then prep the crate in case I need it again soon.

I was a BIG DAWG!  I caught a bat and got it outside without any harm to me, the cat or the house.

And I learned a lot of stuff:

1) YouTube has some great instructional videos and I now know what Drew was telling me to do
2) next time, spray the trash bag liner with a bit of vegetable spray around the opening to slow the bat down from trying to crawl out
3) WD40 the doors and have them unlocked and ready to roll!
4) I need to locate a fishing or butterfly net and a tennis racket as a back-up plan
5) I am a BIG DAWG! (even if I do have to have sister on the speakerphone)
6) I am still afraid of bats but now I know one way to fight back

Maybe I'll tackle the basement next.  Then again, I think I better just finish my glass of wine and call it a night.

One dragon at a time is about all the excitement I can handle right now.

G'night.

"Reel" Life

When Dad would sit in the rocker, eyes closed, he'd tell me "Chica, I'm just going to sit here now and contemplate the problems of the world."  I took that as code for "Nap Time"! 

Maybe I was wrong.

Today my favorite pastor told the story of the Israelites wandering about the desert moaning about no food, no meat! His version had Swedish Fish in it, but I digress...For years the Israelites had a dream and when it came true, what did they do?  COMPLAIN!!*  The ungrateful wretches actually told Moses they wished they had never left, never went for this dream, had died at the hands of Pharoah...they MISSED being SLAVES!  Why?  Because as slaves there was the known...they had food and shelter.  They wanted to go BACK. Whenever I read or heard that story, I'd think "Whiners!" 

Maybe I was wrong. 

I love my old house.  Nestled in the valley of the bluffs, just a short walk to the Mississppi and the front porch is one of the best I have sat on. Here I have room for a quilting studio, office and workout room and if I ever get the mole population under control I will begin gardening again.  But deep down I've been afraid about moving home because I will be living alone in a huge house that is over 140 years old with 12 foot ceilings and a limestone basement.  A house that needs some constant love, attention and a new roof.  Me...afraid of basements, bats, closets and the dark.  

 Maybe I was wrong.

My vast yard requires constant vigilence and with the recent rains and high winds the ancient trees have been shedding their branches, HUGE branches, surrounding the house.  While I'm grateful none fell on the roof, it has been a creative chore to deal with them.  The grass has been growing by leaps and bounds and there is no money for lawn service and I discarded keeping sheep and letting it grow and call it a "Natural Preserve" (City ordinance issues).  So, I settled on purchasing a $99 (tax, title and license included) REEL lawn mower.  Yep.  A MANUAL no gas/oil mix, no yanking, no lugging heavy machinery lawn mower.  Just a simple 5-blade cutter that I push around my lot - cutting grass and getting exercise.  Today I put it together and gave it a whirl.  I like the sound it makes and the easy clean-up with a rag and WD-40.  True, I had to pick-up EVERY STICK no matter the size (I would guesstimate about 1000 sticks).  But I loved it.  

I think I can do this.

Like the Israelites, after hard work and sacrifice I have made it, I have accomplished a dream from when I was a kid in Lott's Creek, Iowa, carrying my hammer wherever I went in case something needed fixing or a jury got roudy.  I have graduated law school with honors and sat for the Minnesota Bar (results pending) 10 days ago.  Yet, instead of being jubiliant, I have been wracked with fear, worry and doubts.   Every day that I woke up I saw it as another day not working.  Thing is I have worked my whole life and usually more than one job at a time.  Every lead of a job has led nowhere.  My fears grew, my worry increased and my faith waivered.  Like the Israelites I began looking BACK, wondering why I had ever taken this stupid journey, leaving a steady job that was pretty decent.  Where is my promised land?  Why I am just wondering about lost in the desert? 

Turns out I am not lost.  I am exactly where I am supposed to be, living each day stretching a penny, planning low-cost meals, finding creative solutions (e.g., no money) to whatever comes up. One day a lead will turn into a job. And when I am most scared?  Well, turns out I have an amazing source of friends and family to tap into and, mostly, I have God.  For today, God has given me shelter and food.  Tomorrow will take care of itself.  My only job is to greet each day with hope, faith and joy that I am home, safe, loved. 

I think I can do this.

So I keep moving forward.  Closer every day to finding out what is next in God's plan for me.  For now I will take the time to do all the things I have missed out the past couple of years.   Maybe its visiting someone who is lonely, catching a baseball game on the radio as I design and sew a quilt for a silent auction back in Oklahoma, or laughing with old friends over nothing at all, reading a mystery checked out from the library and mowing my lawn.

I think I'll haul my rocker to the front porch, prop my feet up on the railing, close my eyes and contemplate the problems of the world.

I can do this. 

I hope you stay tuned as I begin this next leg of my long life's journey.  It may not always be to your liking but it will always be straight from my heart...my two-cents worth.

Love,

Penny

*Cliff Note version: Slavery by Egyptians, Moses, ten plagues culminating in the death of first borns, great chase to the Red Sea, landed in the desert for 40 years, Moses dies, PROMISED LAND! Exodus in OT.