"Reel" Life

When Dad would sit in the rocker, eyes closed, he'd tell me "Chica, I'm just going to sit here now and contemplate the problems of the world."  I took that as code for "Nap Time"! 

Maybe I was wrong.

Today my favorite pastor told the story of the Israelites wandering about the desert moaning about no food, no meat! His version had Swedish Fish in it, but I digress...For years the Israelites had a dream and when it came true, what did they do?  COMPLAIN!!*  The ungrateful wretches actually told Moses they wished they had never left, never went for this dream, had died at the hands of Pharoah...they MISSED being SLAVES!  Why?  Because as slaves there was the known...they had food and shelter.  They wanted to go BACK. Whenever I read or heard that story, I'd think "Whiners!" 

Maybe I was wrong. 

I love my old house.  Nestled in the valley of the bluffs, just a short walk to the Mississppi and the front porch is one of the best I have sat on. Here I have room for a quilting studio, office and workout room and if I ever get the mole population under control I will begin gardening again.  But deep down I've been afraid about moving home because I will be living alone in a huge house that is over 140 years old with 12 foot ceilings and a limestone basement.  A house that needs some constant love, attention and a new roof.  Me...afraid of basements, bats, closets and the dark.  

 Maybe I was wrong.

My vast yard requires constant vigilence and with the recent rains and high winds the ancient trees have been shedding their branches, HUGE branches, surrounding the house.  While I'm grateful none fell on the roof, it has been a creative chore to deal with them.  The grass has been growing by leaps and bounds and there is no money for lawn service and I discarded keeping sheep and letting it grow and call it a "Natural Preserve" (City ordinance issues).  So, I settled on purchasing a $99 (tax, title and license included) REEL lawn mower.  Yep.  A MANUAL no gas/oil mix, no yanking, no lugging heavy machinery lawn mower.  Just a simple 5-blade cutter that I push around my lot - cutting grass and getting exercise.  Today I put it together and gave it a whirl.  I like the sound it makes and the easy clean-up with a rag and WD-40.  True, I had to pick-up EVERY STICK no matter the size (I would guesstimate about 1000 sticks).  But I loved it.  

I think I can do this.

Like the Israelites, after hard work and sacrifice I have made it, I have accomplished a dream from when I was a kid in Lott's Creek, Iowa, carrying my hammer wherever I went in case something needed fixing or a jury got roudy.  I have graduated law school with honors and sat for the Minnesota Bar (results pending) 10 days ago.  Yet, instead of being jubiliant, I have been wracked with fear, worry and doubts.   Every day that I woke up I saw it as another day not working.  Thing is I have worked my whole life and usually more than one job at a time.  Every lead of a job has led nowhere.  My fears grew, my worry increased and my faith waivered.  Like the Israelites I began looking BACK, wondering why I had ever taken this stupid journey, leaving a steady job that was pretty decent.  Where is my promised land?  Why I am just wondering about lost in the desert? 

Turns out I am not lost.  I am exactly where I am supposed to be, living each day stretching a penny, planning low-cost meals, finding creative solutions (e.g., no money) to whatever comes up. One day a lead will turn into a job. And when I am most scared?  Well, turns out I have an amazing source of friends and family to tap into and, mostly, I have God.  For today, God has given me shelter and food.  Tomorrow will take care of itself.  My only job is to greet each day with hope, faith and joy that I am home, safe, loved. 

I think I can do this.

So I keep moving forward.  Closer every day to finding out what is next in God's plan for me.  For now I will take the time to do all the things I have missed out the past couple of years.   Maybe its visiting someone who is lonely, catching a baseball game on the radio as I design and sew a quilt for a silent auction back in Oklahoma, or laughing with old friends over nothing at all, reading a mystery checked out from the library and mowing my lawn.

I think I'll haul my rocker to the front porch, prop my feet up on the railing, close my eyes and contemplate the problems of the world.

I can do this. 

I hope you stay tuned as I begin this next leg of my long life's journey.  It may not always be to your liking but it will always be straight from my heart...my two-cents worth.

Love,

Penny

*Cliff Note version: Slavery by Egyptians, Moses, ten plagues culminating in the death of first borns, great chase to the Red Sea, landed in the desert for 40 years, Moses dies, PROMISED LAND! Exodus in OT.