Christmas Eve Morn'

A light snow fall keeps me company on the front porch this morning. 

I write this to be posted later when I'm back inside hooked up to the internet.  Oddly the deck thermometer said it was about 5 degrees but it doesn't seem so cold although my coffee does seem to cool quickly. Perhaps I should just have a coffee pot installed on the porch?  That makes me smile.

The neighbor's lights sparkle in the early morning darkness.Every inch of their yard is a tribute to the local hardware store goods.  A small part of me wonders if all the cheer outside the house hides sadness inside?  If they were to look across the way to my house and see there are no sparkly lights, no adorned tree, not one brightly wrapped gift what would they think? In a few days I will be unemployed and have time to finish unpacking and maybe I'll find the porch flag I used to fly in winter. A cheery snow man. 

When I glance back into the house I can see Sassy in the sitting room curled in her favorite rocker. I have decided to let her do what she wants and stop pestering her to eat and drink. When I'm her age I'd want to be let alone to do my own thing.  It will be soon.  I am mostly ready to let her go.

I think of my cousins in Nebraska and my aunt in Iowa this morning and the pain of a first Christmas without someone you love. I send peace to them in my prayers. There are no words to fill their emptiness. Only time.

Today is Christmas Eve day. A day I always enjoyed more than Christmas morning. A day of great anticipation, laughter, last minute wrappings, gatherings around the supper table before heading out to church services.  A day full of hope, of believing in dreams and the goodness in others.

I have almost let it pass me by. Enough wallowing in sorrow and fear.

There are dishes to be washed, laundry to fold, presents to gather and wrap and hugs to give to all those I love. 

And much to give thanks to God for...example:

When I was in Oklahoma I would dream of waking up Christmas Eve morning where I could head out to my porch armed with coffee and maybe a blanket as I had my morning talk with God. In my dream it was always snowing.

Perhaps there is a Santa after all.